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May 27, 2014

Some days I wish I could go back and make Gift go swimming with his friends that fateful day.  I dont know if that would have changed the outcome, because eventually he would have had a bath.  

i can say that the world has changed.  But not for everyone.  

I see things so differently now.  The beauty that was there before has lost its lustre… but the world’s worth has increased.  For me it has become like a fine antique: the original beauty is hidden under the patina, but it is this oxidization that has brought up the value of the world.  Everything is so much more precious and incredible.  And each trauma more painful.  

No one told me this.  I was told my world has changed.  It isnt for the better, but it isnt worse either.  It is just more priceless.  Each day is such a gift.  Each hug and kiss, rainbow, beautiful clouds, flower so much more.  For a short time the grief was too much, BUT the beauty became clearer.  It was like I had been walking around with my eyes squinted until Gift died.  Then suddenly everything became clearer.  Much clearer.  Much more… intensely beautiful.  

It still hurts so very much.  But I see everything so differently now.  

And I am thankful.

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