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February 2, 2014

Today is my nephew’s 12th birthday.  I was there when he was born.  Large and a head of dark hair.  

Today he is stocky with blond hair and bright blue eyes rimmed with long, dark lashes.  

It hurts.  Gift was 12. Gift will always be 12.  Almost 13, but never to be.

I have  a range of emotions.  They all get so muddled that I dont even know where to begin.  Anger. Joy.  Confusion.  Gratefulness.  Longing.  Contentment.  

One thing that is consistent is my praise to God.  He is good.  I got to have almost 12 years and 238 days with an incredible person.  Now his birthday is the anniversary of my Love and I becoming parents.  

But my nephew…. I’m glad for him.  And glad that I got to see him last night, because 12 years ago i was there.  

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. February 2, 2014 11:25 am

    These words mean so much. I lost my daughter last year age 12 never to be 13. She was so excited to be a teen but never made it. Her friends have all reached the milestone day and it hurts but I’m happy for them too, that they have their lives. http://chasingdragonfliesblog.wordpress.com

    • February 2, 2014 1:00 pm

      I am so sorry that your daughter died. This is a tragedy that no one should ever have to endure.

      My son was counting down the days until he was old enough for facebook and games that were rated “T”. Most of my friends have kids turning 13 this year. my Gift would have been the first of those his age. My friends and I were out and they got talking about their kids turning 13. All I could do is sit there. I dont want conversations to not happen because they might hurt. I still havent figured out how to navigate this.

      • February 2, 2014 1:07 pm

        Totally understand how you feel. I’m still friends with many of my daughters friends parents and sometimes it’s hard to hear how they are all getting on at school… Actually it’s gutwrenching! But they are also lovely people who give me space to talk about her without awkwardness. We’ll always have this silent sorrow with us and the onus is on us to be considerate with others. My prayers are with you, your Gift was truly that and I find your writing both comforting and inspiring xxx

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