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Answering difficult questions

March 26, 2013

So, there is some stuff going around about ranks. Here is my two bits:

When my Love first joined i went to a play group on the base in the town we were living in.  I was asked what my husband does and when i answered the person said; “Oh, a [reference to his rank]’s wife.” And promptly turned away from me.  I was shocked!

I later told this story to my Granny (she was a Navy wife with 7 kids in a base apartment, so i take what she has to say very seriously).  She asked me why i would ever answer that question, I said because i didnt know any better.  But I learned.

Around the same time my mother was speaking with a service member and, innocently enough, ask his rank.  Because this person already had a friendship with my mom he politely explained asking that question is similar to asking how much a person makes. It is kind of  a fine balancing act.  For me it would be like asking what I do for a living (a homemaker) and then wanting to know how big of a house I have (average).  My job isn’t any different than any other homemakers whether my house is 900 square feet or 9000 square feet.  I am a homemaker, my Love is in the military.

While I am super proud of my Love, his rank has no baring on who he is.  His job is not who he is.  My Love is kind, caring, compassionate, intriguing and my soul mate.  His rank doesnt change who he is.  And it has absolutely NOTHING to do with me.  And, yes, the structure is there for a very good reason, as stated here ( http://www.sheisfierce.net/2013/03/sure-lets-go-there.html ).  But there MUST be mutual respect.  Each job is hard!  Just like keeping each home ‘made’ is hard, no matter what the size.

Really, it shouldn’t matter either way.  I am not in the military, my Love’s rank has nothing to do with me.  I hope that one day we can all just value each other, because we can always learn something from everyone we come in contact with.

 

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